Today I woke up at 430 to meet Niki at the gym for a workout with weights. It was a great workout, I was sitting here waiting to head out on my run. Just thinking and reading through my older post. Tearing up a little. Its funny how this weight and fitness thing goes. I admit regularly, I am a bad eater. Or maybe I say a great eater, I eat too well, too much and too much junk food. I am not complaining I am strong and pretty fit. But there is that 20 pounds I want to lose, I lose and gain 10-15 back and forth through my journey. I spend alot of time thinking about it. I love health and fitness magazines. I read them alot. I am always looking for the magic article the one that is going to change my life, make it easier. So I just ran my 5th marathon at the begining of june. It was awesome. For some reason my body adjust to running 50+ miles a week and now that I am not running that much. It goes into storage mode and the jeans start to feel tighter and tighter. I in return start to eat more and more, stress about it and have a treat, have a soda. Its just this silly cycle I do. I read more,  I focus on it more,stress more eat more treats. So the trick is pulling myself out of the cycle. The magic trick is no trick at all, its hard work, its dedication, its being prepared and being honest with yourself. I am really good at the hard work and working out. Its the healthy eating I struggle so much with. I am an emotional eater and sometimes it gets the best of me. Last night as I watch an amazing transformation a show on TV. It was a lady who weighed 435 pounds. She struggled so much with her eating habits. As I sat there and watched her, I thought come on lady pull it together. Here she has this amazing experience all the help she needs and she is blowing it. Than I sat back and thought about how we all do this. We all have an experience to reach our goals, overcome our obstacles and nothing is easy about it, AT ALL!! Sometimes I think the hardest part is being honest with yourself, really dealing with some of your issues, that you hide behind. I struggle because for alot of years I had alot of depression and I was sad with my life and food made me happy. Along the way I picked up alot of bad habits and I passed on some bad eating habits to my older kids. I have alot of guilt over that and sometimes I just dont get why change is so hard and why we keep beating ourselves up over the same things. Today I focus on positive change, long term change. Not the kind you do for 3 0r 4 weeks and go back to your same issues. I focus on being a good example to my family and practicing what I preach:) Wish me luck!